Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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