shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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