Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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