That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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