Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
