Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
