Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize