No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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