i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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