My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
