I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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