We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
