You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
