OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
