God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
