Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
