mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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