would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
did you just send me my own nude
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize