I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
