did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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