I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
