I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
