You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
