My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize