I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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