in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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