just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
