Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
