Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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