I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize