You're completely useless in the revolution.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
