Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
