The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
