Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
