Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the raccoons are back...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
