Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize