I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
