This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
