walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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