my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize