How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
