i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
