After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
