she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ketchup is God's man juice
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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