ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
