Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dignity is for republicans.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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