I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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