I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
