Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
