well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
