he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
