you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Your cock deserves a montage
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
