I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
