OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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