Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
