I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
