pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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