ugly people sure do ruin things
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Your cock deserves a montage
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
