you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
