There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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