Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
