Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVEâ€
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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