you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
