Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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