I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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