Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
