I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
