mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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