Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
