I wish I could teleport
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize