If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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