Don't make out with my wife yet
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
