you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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