is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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