OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
