He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize