I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
